So as part of further developing my coaching practice (into full-time heaven!), I have had to face keeping up with “the times”. I can write, I can think, I have lots to tell the world…. And I have NO IDEA how to merge any of my creativity with today’s technology! I’ve looked around enough to accept the facts; I need to present myself, my services, my credentials, through a website and a newsletter or a blog. And I’m excited to do this! But as I struggle through the actual creation of this ‘virtual me’, I keep circling back to one dominant thought – thank God I was single for those few years!
What does being single have to do with programming in HTML and setting up remote access phone lines and email billing through PayPal? Why is it especially important now, when I am no longer single, and haven’t been for a period of almost two years? Simple – looking back at my years of living alone, I like to think I mastered being the modern, independent woman. I certainly had a blast! But I also learned a very important skill for navigating life happily and with a fairly constant sense of accomplishment – learn to delegate.
A wise man once said, “it does not count as an opportunity if you don’t have a greater than 80% chance of success….” And although I can often learn something from situations where I don’t succeed, there’s certainly no reason to go actively looking for them! I am perfectly comfortable admitting that there is a vast array of skills I don’t have, and furthermore have no interest in developing – HTML programming being right there at the top. Ok, so I’m mature enough to look for help… now what?
In the parlance of our times, strong women are supposed to be able to handle pretty much everything. And for that small, never-brought-out-in-public list of things that you can’t do, well, just try to fake it until you can get married, and then the husband will probably fill all your holes nicely.
Hmph.
Don’t get me wrong – my significant other Matt is quite useful, a veritable Adonis with an electric drill and able to lift ridiculously heavy items when called upon. (Not to mention the first person I pour my heart out to, my favorite person to recap my day with, and the only one I want to see at the breakfast table every morning for the rest of my life. But all love and handyman skills aside, he could no more program a website than I could build a second-story add-on to your house.)
The entire reason I’m so glad now that I was single then is because I spent my alone time building a strong network of friends and support. One of whom just happens to be the head of IT for Northwestern University. Someone who has been one of my best friends for many years, and has witnessed my low points and triumphs through a broken engagement, post-date dissections, and now, gag-inspiring pre-marital bliss.
I think too many women are afraid of really being on their own because they feel inadequate – what if a car tire needs changing, or a shelf needs mounting, or a router needs to be set up? The best part of being single and extending your friend network is the joy of having a different person to ask for help with each of those things! Although I love the depth and security I feel in my relationship now, there are some ways that a one-on-one connection feels different than a finely honed, spider-web support group of friends. Looking back, I was never single – I was Stephanie with Elvin for frantic pre-date calls, Sarah for post-date stories, Ray for technical help and weekend brunch, and Tammy and Tawnya for emergency, meet-me-in-five-minutes happy hours. And what a fantastic feeling of security that diversity brought!
Luckily Ray still answers my frantic questions (“um, I was online and then I hit one little thing and now the computer is blinking mockingly, and the router is smoking in the corner, WHAT DO I DO???”) and now I get to tell funny stories of my panicked morning on hands and knees under the computer desk to Matt over dinner, but I’m afraid I don’t keep up my end of the bargain so well – meaning, Ray’s refrigerator has probably reverted back to pre-Stephanie contents consisting of ketchup, several curry sauces, soy milk, half a loaf of stale white bread, and a gallon-size Ziploc baggie full of Hershey’s Miniatures (of which he was always willing to let me dig through and pluck out the Krackles, bless his heart…) Often I feel guilty about this. But I guess the good news is, his spider-web is strong too. And if the source of my thread has changed a bit, it’s still woven tightly, along with all the other friends and their specific, wonderful contributions.
p.s. Thanks again to Ray – and look, I’m online!! ☺
